Article by: Sid Vixen
So I sat down this evening to watch some random YouTube videos, and it went very strangely.
Justin Bieber: “Company”
First off, I’m scrolling by and apparently Justin Bieber’s got a new song, right? Another new song? Get out, please. Whatever, I might as well click it. So I do and I have mixed reviews- like everything you will hear this evening, probably. He’s in the entirety of the video, back to his usual Bieber self. Bleach blonde hair, riding by shirtless in a really nice neighborhood for no damn fucking reason. Are you shooting a Calvin Klein ad right now? That’s just rude. He does a lot of “hey check out how much fun I am having in a really awesome warm place that you will never experience because you’re not suddenly rich like me” as per his usual music videos. Jumping out of a low-flying plane into the water is pretty fun, I’d have to imagine. Stop it.
Okay. So it’s alright, I suppose- on some kind of scale. Not my scale, but some kind, somewhere. I do like choreographed dance. (The name of the song is “Company” by the way, if you’re that curious.) Lol Moving on.
Melanie Martinez: “Alphabet Boy”
Before tonight I had never seen this woman’s face before. I scrolled a bit further and honestly clicked on it because it was the most interesting looking photo preview in the lineup. Pacifiers always get my attention, especially when adults are playing with them. Say what?!!! Melanie Martinez- Alphabet Boy. It’s her most recent trendy song, apparently. And about half a minute into it I was so appalled and confused… So much so that I couldn’t turn it off yet. Way too much makeup no matter which look you are going for, I think. She reminds me of a girl I used to know, named Mary. Mary never used as much makeup, though she was equally terrible with it. Strange hair styles and she has a gap. I want to know which drugs produce this. This song made me so utterly baffled that I went and watched 3 more of her videos in a row. I feel like something is missing now…Possibly jars and jars of makeup she’s wasted just for these 4 videos. Imagine her day to day life. Seriously.
I don’t know about anything else, but her lyrics are interesting. Imagine them sung in all the other genres of music. No, really, run through that in your head after watching the video.
Gwen Stefani: “Misery”
I haven’t heard anything by Gwen Stefani in a while, and she’s apparently here. Misery is roughly living up to its name- she has a lovely voice as always, but it disappoints me. I sat through the whole video. She wears some killer outfits that I would love, as usual. What a budget, man. Can you pay me to make something, lady? Shit. You guys got too much of that there money, m’dear. Well, America still likes normal poppy weird shit. Glad we haven’t changed in the last 80 years. Though admittedly, it used to be better by some margin.
Tune in next week to see how ridiculous America still is!
Thank you, goodnight.
Categories: Siddin Around