Artist Spotlight

Fully Torqued


Article by: Dick Blaine Tyner

Crack open your 40 Oz, be it Cobra, Steel Reserve, or Colt 45, whatever you prefer, and we will kick off Lafayette “Spiritual” metal band, Car Door Dick Smash’s first load to our small slice of Midwest Hell’s face with the song “40 Ounces.”

Car Door Dick Smash is a local metal band, dabbling in the realms of death, thrash, grindcore, and “spiritual,” as their Facebook says, and it’s not hard to tell they aren’t lying once you hear the music. It’s fast, and it tears through you like a bike chain ripping your dick off (Eh? Get it? Bike Chain Dick Ripper?) At twenty tracks heavy the debut album from the dick smashers, aptly titled Fully Torqued, will melt your face from track numero uno.

As if the music itself didn’t cement this band as a legit death and grindcore band, the track titles alone should suffice.13115679_10156966834575165_1216964683_n You see titles such as “Stillbirth Cannon II” and “Forced Drano Chug” and you tell me you are about to enjoy some easy listening. I dare you. No, you know what you’re getting into when you start a song titled “Belt Sander To The Face.” The track titles on this album are really the selling point to me as I’m personally not a fan of this style of metal. I will say though that it has it’s place and I do in fact enjoy this album, as well as Car Door Dick Smash’s live show, quite a lot.

With fast and furious songs (some only lasting thirty seconds,) hilarious track titles and lyrics, and insane out of this world drumming that could surely only come from a computer, I certainly recommend that you get your dick smashed and check out Fully Torqued by Car Door Dick Smash. Hell, if you really enjoy it, maybe pick it up at the next show the band plays? This is a CD that Ancient Doom Records is surely proud of. My name is Dick, and this CD smashed me.

For shits and giggles, here is the track list. Check it out, and please laugh at how terrible of a person you are:

  1. 40 Ounces
  2. Christopher Columbus Was a Dick
  3. 2 Heads 4 Boobs
  4. Carnal Crock Pot
  5. Dog Coffin
  6. Bike Chain Dick Ripper
  7. Belt Sander to the Face
  8. Lunch Room Fire
  9. Pavement Shit Eater
  10. Forced Drano Chug
  11. You Should Have Just Died In That Fire
  12. Stillbirth Cannon II
  13. Email Storm
  14. Terrorists Are Dicks
  16. Space Sequence 5
  17. AIDS From Space
  18. The Abortion Clinic
  19. Death in the Pit (The Legend of the Chicacogre)
  20. The Smashing of Dicks

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